Senior Trauma
As a senior downsizing specialist, I have been blessed to meet the most amazing people and their sweet families. Most seniors struggle with the process of downsizing as it can be a stressful and overwhelming process to navigate. It is exacerbated by traumas seniors have experienced before transitions, that most don’t understand.
A recent client lost her husband in Apil, ended up in the hospital in May, rehabbing for months, then home with caregivers who proceeded to steal from her, using her credit cards, and stealing things out of her home and garage. Being faced with loss, and difficult health issues that forced her to give up her home she built with her husband only to be forced to move into assisted living—all of this trauma in under a year. NO kids, just extended family that just pushed her into what “they” needed her to do …adding yet ..more trauma… so they could get this task off “their” plates—no compassion for her multiple traumatic events.
Complete Senior Transitions
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My newest client, who after 42 years. of marriage and raising kids, her husband walked in out of the blue and wanted a divorce. NO warning. Three years ago, her son took his own life. She was then diagnosed with a rapidly changing neurological disorder that affects her gait, thought process, social skills, memory, and driving ability. She was then forced to move from the new home she finally had and a neighborhood she loved. Her kids were tired of helping and had lives, jobs, and kids of their own, and understandably running back and forth constantly added stress to them which is understandable. They were certainly overwhelmed with the amount of time they had to invest living an hour away and just wanted her to decide on where she wanted to go (she didn’t want to go anywhere) and get it over with.
These stories tell of traumas. We all experience trauma, but seniors experience it much differently than younger generations do. It compiles and often makes it more difficult to navigate life as these traumas come in multiples. Throw in the need to downsize, give up the things and homes they love, and have to move and you can have a recipe for a disaster. Many times, the stress of traumas brings on the health issues. Moving is already stressful, but it adds yet another layer of trauma to seniors.
Trauma can come in layers and compile into a deep emotional spiral that is difficult for anyone to embrace or emotionally walk through. Spouses pass, they get older, health declines, friends pass, social lives change, and sometimes losing the ability to be independent, drive, go places, and live their lives. As they age these things are even harder to bounce back from. Many seniors dig in their heels and refuse to go anywhere, understandably from the trauma of losing so much already. Seniors with dementia walk an even more difficult path and so do their families.
Many seniors have limited families nearby and little to no support system. Fear and loneliness become the norm for many. Stress of finances increases due to cost of living; health issues add costs but incomes don’t change. It is not easy getting older, and younger people have no clue what they are going through. Many times, children see their parents as parents, not individuals. They sometimes don’t notice the aging process because they don’t want to accept the fact that they are getting old. They see what they have always seen, mom or dad. My kids don’t understand why I can’t just jump in a car and drive 15 hours like we used to, or haul luggage through the airport with a disabled husband navigating walking issues and bad backs through huge terminals.
I point this out mostly for families to understand. When you're younger, moving is stressful, but with a new excitement and purpose. Families often overlook the trauma their parents or family members are going through because they don’t experience it the same way or as deeply. It is hard to understand and to stop and think about being in the seniors’ shoes. How many traumas have they weathered and in what time frame? I raise the topic to make families aware, hoping they stop and reflect on just what mom or dad has recently experienced. I write in the hopes they approach these changes with patience, calm reflection, understanding, and compassion for the things their loved one may experience and its effects on them. If you need to assist a loved one who may need to transition to a new lifestyle, by choice or by force please stop.
Stop and think about what they may have been through recently.
Stop pushing them to make decisions swiftly, because your time is limited to help. Be patient
Stop treating them like children who can’t think for themselves. They are adults and deserve respect
Stop adding stress to their trauma. Instead, share a task to lighten their load
Stop being frustrated with them and share a hug instead. Allow them to process the upcoming changes slowly.
Stop adding trauma and stress to them, to make your life easier.
Stop being self-focused and give them grace. Spend loving moments with them as often as possible.
Remember they need a bit more as they age than they ever have.
